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By BP-Wire
Published: March 10, 2006
Filed at 10:39 p.m. ET
Chicago, Illinois (BP-wire) The world already weary from the Bird flu epidemic now faces another scourge. Outbreaks of Bongo Flu have been found in major cities throughout the United States. Recent studies have shown that it has been affecting predominantly right-handed middle-aged males. Starting last fall a few left hand males have also been infected. Western Europe has only begun to see sporadic cases that seem to involve Internet contacts. The major concern to date is there seems to be no cure. Families, who have Bongo flu afflicted family member, only recourse seems to be appeasement of the infected individual’s fantasies.
Right now medical authorities are focusing on trying to produce list of symptoms that would prove as an early warning sign. They are focusing on changes in affected individuals speaking patterns as perhaps the earliest clues of an infection. Here is a list of phrases that seem to be an indication of having contracted Bongo Flu:
Egyptian smoke
HH
Desert Gold
Piezo (pronounced, pee-ay-zo)
Python
Neodymium
Big bottom
Single Humbucking
Stealth
If you know someone who has started speaking like this please call your local county health department. The only hope to stop this epidemic is quarantining the individuals and preventing the rapid spread of the Bongo Flu.
Individuals who have contracted this illness are known to gather at events called Camp Bovine. Authorities want to stress this has nothing to do with Mad Cow disease and they assume the choice of name seems to be only coincidental. Do not attempt to prevent stricken individuals from attending such events. If denied access they have known to become moody and withdrawn.
The other avenue of investigation is the source of this seemingly mutant flu. At this time, authorities are focusing on a laboratory in San Luis Obispo, California. The Ernie Ball Corporation was reputedly working on crowd control devices using musical instruments when the Bongo Flu escaped captivity and infected an unsuspecting population.
If this continues, as authorities’ fear it might, it could infect the entire population of the world. The consequences of that could forever change the history of humankind.
Published: March 10, 2006
Filed at 10:39 p.m. ET
Chicago, Illinois (BP-wire) The world already weary from the Bird flu epidemic now faces another scourge. Outbreaks of Bongo Flu have been found in major cities throughout the United States. Recent studies have shown that it has been affecting predominantly right-handed middle-aged males. Starting last fall a few left hand males have also been infected. Western Europe has only begun to see sporadic cases that seem to involve Internet contacts. The major concern to date is there seems to be no cure. Families, who have Bongo flu afflicted family member, only recourse seems to be appeasement of the infected individual’s fantasies.
Right now medical authorities are focusing on trying to produce list of symptoms that would prove as an early warning sign. They are focusing on changes in affected individuals speaking patterns as perhaps the earliest clues of an infection. Here is a list of phrases that seem to be an indication of having contracted Bongo Flu:
Egyptian smoke
HH
Desert Gold
Piezo (pronounced, pee-ay-zo)
Python
Neodymium
Big bottom
Single Humbucking
Stealth
If you know someone who has started speaking like this please call your local county health department. The only hope to stop this epidemic is quarantining the individuals and preventing the rapid spread of the Bongo Flu.
Individuals who have contracted this illness are known to gather at events called Camp Bovine. Authorities want to stress this has nothing to do with Mad Cow disease and they assume the choice of name seems to be only coincidental. Do not attempt to prevent stricken individuals from attending such events. If denied access they have known to become moody and withdrawn.
The other avenue of investigation is the source of this seemingly mutant flu. At this time, authorities are focusing on a laboratory in San Luis Obispo, California. The Ernie Ball Corporation was reputedly working on crowd control devices using musical instruments when the Bongo Flu escaped captivity and infected an unsuspecting population.
If this continues, as authorities’ fear it might, it could infect the entire population of the world. The consequences of that could forever change the history of humankind.
