RitchieDarling
Well-known member
Completely non-EBMM thread. Delete if you must. But read it first! It's a hoot!
OK. For those of you who know me, you know that my company regularly sends surveying crews to Central America. For those of you who do not know me, we do.
Due to Hurricane Dean and Felix, we were tasked with verifying boundaries on several thousand acres owned by the Belize government.
So, my guys went down there a couple weeks ago. We sent this one guy with them, more to fill a space than anything. Someone to carry the bucket. Let's just call him, Captain DUMASSS!
So, the lads are sitting in a lovely little bar, having a few drinks after a long day, and the Captain decides that he's gonna "kick it up a notch". I think he has an Emeril fetish....
So, after downing several pints of plonk, Captain DUMASSS decides to stumble back to his room. He has a couple of the other crew members with him. When suddenly he sees something in the trees above him.
Now when it gets dark in Belize, some interesting wildlife comes out. And Captain had stumbled across an adult male HOWLER MONKEY!! In his brilliance, he decides to climb the tree and get a closer look. At least, that's what he said afterward.
Brainless climbs up 20 or 30 feet and get out on the branch with the monkey. The monkey starts backing away.......and also running out of branch. Our hero starts edging his way toward the monkey. His pals on the ground are shouting at him to leave it alone. But hey! He's the CAPTAIN! He's not gonna listen to the plebes!
So, the monkey starts to screech, and runs out of branch to back onto. It's a fair bit to jump, even for a monkey. So, he starts howling and showing his HUGE F**KING TEETH! The Captain thinks it's funny. Now cornered, the monkey does what any animal will do when cornered! He attacks the Captain!
I am happy to say that the monkey went home for a well deserved banana break, and Captain DUMASSS went to the hospital! 66 stiches, a fractured wrist, various abrasions from the fall, and (this is the best bit) a course of RABIES SHOTS! And not the nice handy 5 or 6 we get here in the good ol' US of A. But the OLD SKOOL 21 SHOTS TO THE STOMACH!!
Justice is divine!
And I have to say, I feel WAY more sorry that BP lost his car and clubs, than I do for CAPTAIN DUMASSS!!
R
OK. For those of you who know me, you know that my company regularly sends surveying crews to Central America. For those of you who do not know me, we do.
Due to Hurricane Dean and Felix, we were tasked with verifying boundaries on several thousand acres owned by the Belize government. So, my guys went down there a couple weeks ago. We sent this one guy with them, more to fill a space than anything. Someone to carry the bucket. Let's just call him, Captain DUMASSS!
So, the lads are sitting in a lovely little bar, having a few drinks after a long day, and the Captain decides that he's gonna "kick it up a notch". I think he has an Emeril fetish....
So, after downing several pints of plonk, Captain DUMASSS decides to stumble back to his room. He has a couple of the other crew members with him. When suddenly he sees something in the trees above him.
Now when it gets dark in Belize, some interesting wildlife comes out. And Captain had stumbled across an adult male HOWLER MONKEY!! In his brilliance, he decides to climb the tree and get a closer look. At least, that's what he said afterward.
Brainless climbs up 20 or 30 feet and get out on the branch with the monkey. The monkey starts backing away.......and also running out of branch. Our hero starts edging his way toward the monkey. His pals on the ground are shouting at him to leave it alone. But hey! He's the CAPTAIN! He's not gonna listen to the plebes!
So, the monkey starts to screech, and runs out of branch to back onto. It's a fair bit to jump, even for a monkey. So, he starts howling and showing his HUGE F**KING TEETH! The Captain thinks it's funny. Now cornered, the monkey does what any animal will do when cornered! He attacks the Captain!
I am happy to say that the monkey went home for a well deserved banana break, and Captain DUMASSS went to the hospital! 66 stiches, a fractured wrist, various abrasions from the fall, and (this is the best bit) a course of RABIES SHOTS! And not the nice handy 5 or 6 we get here in the good ol' US of A. But the OLD SKOOL 21 SHOTS TO THE STOMACH!!
Justice is divine!
And I have to say, I feel WAY more sorry that BP lost his car and clubs, than I do for CAPTAIN DUMASSS!!
R
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