Bass Jokes borrowed from .....

[spectorbassguy]

A couple of bass jokes borrowed from the "F" word bass forum;

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Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

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OK, so you're lost in the desert, and you see Santa Claus, an out of tune fretless player and an in tune fretless player. Who do you ask for directions?

Why the out of tune fretless player, because clearly the other two are figments of your imagination!

Any others?

 

[jongitarz]

Q. What is the difference between a bass player and a pizza?
A. The pizza can feed a family of 4

 

[Mobay45]

Q. What do you call a bass player that doesn't have a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.

Q. How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch?
A. Pay for the pizza.

My favorite:
Q. What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
A. Keep giggin til the money ran out!

 

[jubjub721]

id just liek to say that the fretless in tune joke was stolen from a kevin smith movie

only instead of musicians
its santa clause, easter bunnie, man hating lesbian, and a fun, man loving, lesbian.

the man hating lesbian is the only real one cause the rest are figments of ur efing imagination.

quote chasing amy

 

[jongitarz]

Q. What does it mean when a bass player has drool running out of both sides of his mouth?

A. The stage is level

 

[Disquieter]

how do you know when a singer is at the door?

he doesn't know when to come in..


joel D.

 

[jifty]

What's the difference between a Tuba player that was run over by a truck, and a cat that was run over by a truck? it is more likely that the cat was run over while going to a gig!

how does a singer change the light bulb? he stands with the bulb in the socket, and the world revolves around him

how do you know that a drummer is at the door? the knocks are out of pace

how many bass players does it take to change the light bulb? none. you can just hire a keyboard player to do it with his left hand

 

[LeftyLB]

Q.What do you call a bloke who hangs around with musicians?

A. A drummer

 

[LeftyLB]

There was once a three piece band called Delta Country.

The guitar player left, so now they are only known as Delta Tree!

 

[Mobay45]

Q. What do you call the thing a bass player stores his bass in after a gig?

A. A pawn shop.

 

[Lync]

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Lync (history revisionism rocks!)

 

[Psychicpet]

how do you know when a singer is at the door?

he doesn't know when to come in..


joel D.

... and can't find the key!

 

[jongitarz]

Lync...its been done...a few posts back

 

[jifty]

Q: what's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: you don't have to carry a drum machine of the stage, drunk, at the end of a gig...

Q: what do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
A: his amp!!!

 

[Lync]

Okay....how about this one?

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

None--they just steal somebody else's light.

Lync

 

[jongitarz]

Or...How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?


5...one to screw it in and 4 to say I could have done it faster and better

 

[Disquieter]

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?


they wouldn't change it, the original bulb makes better light.




i think i just made that one up....
let me check......
yeah, i did...
joel D.

 

[betterthanfew!]

_
What do u call a man 'getting with' a women whilst holding a bass?
a roadie!!
_
Why are guitarist's and bassist's bad in bed
Cause they spend hours_twiddling knobs_that do nothing, instead of getting on with it!
_
How do you stop a bassist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head!

_
_
The difference between camels and_ a bassist:??? A camel can work for 30 days without drinking. A bassist can drink for 30 days without working.
_

Q.What do you say to a bass player in a famous band?

_A_"What's your name?"

_

Q.How do you occupy a bass_player for hours?

A.Tell him to tune his own instrument._

_

Q. What's the difference between a bass and an onion?

A. Nobody cries when you chop a bass in half.

Q: What did the female bass player say when she got pregnant?
A: "Is it mine"?

Q. What is the difference between a Bass player and Guitar player?
A. Two Strings

Q. Why did the Bass player cross the road
A. To see his Imaginary Friends.




_

Q. What is the difference between a dead dog on the road, and a dead bass player on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.


Q. What is the similarity between the singer of the worst female band in your area, and a mo-ped?
A. Theyre both alright for a ride, until your mates find out.


Q. What do you call a bass player with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.


Q. What do you call a bass player, fronting as a drummer?
A. Artificial intelligence.





_

Q. what's the similarity between a bass player and a hoover.
A. they both suck when you plug them in !!


Q. what do you do if you see a bassist, covered in blood, crawling around your back yard.
A. stop laughing and shoot him


Q.why did the drummer put a pack of bass strings on his dashboard.
A. so he could park in the disabled lot.


Q. what is the range of a gibson les paul?
A. About 25 feet if you have a good arm!!



Q. what do you call a bass player with half a brain?
A. Gifted!!

Q. What is the difference between a bass player and a chiropdodist??
A. The chiropodist bucks up your feet!!

Q. How many keyboard players does it take to change a light bulb ???
A. Just the one, but he stands holding the light bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.




Q. How do you know when there's a singer at the door?
A. He picks the wrong key then doesn't know when to come in!!
Q. What does a bass player use for contraception?
A. His personality!!!!!




Q. How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 12, one to change it and 11 to say they could do it better.

We detuned one of the bass players strings, but didn't tell him which one!!!!!!

Q. How do you make a singer cross??
A. Nail two singers together!!!!




Q. What's the difference between a bass and a coffin?
A. The coffin has the stiff on the inside!!



Q. What did the guitarist get on his IQ test paper.
A. Saliva!!




Q. What do you call a bass player with friends?
A. A liar!!

Q. What is the difference between a bass player and a large Pizza.
A. A Pizza can feed a family of four!!



Q. What do you call an idiot that hangs around and annoys drummers?
A. A bass player!!

Q. Why is it bad when the drum solo stops?
A. Bass solo begins!!


Q. What do you call a guitarist in a 3 piece suit?
A. The defendent!



Q. Why do people instantly hate singers?
A. It saves time in the long run!


Q. How do you get a guitarist to stop playing ?
A. Put the music in front of him!!!!!!



Q. What do you call a bassist without a girlfriend ?
A. Homeless!!!!!

 

[jubjub721]

damnit
who let u back on

 

[silly]

only like 2 jokes here were ok
c'mon post something funny