Drummer Jokes

[Alvabass]

OK. Another music joke (maybe most of you already know this one):

GREAT LIES OF THE MUSIC BUSINESS

1. The booking is definite.

2. Your check's in the mail.

3. We can fix it in the mix.

4. This is the best dope you've ever had.

5. The show starts at eight sharp.

6. My agent will take care of it.

7. I'm sure it will work.

8. Your tickets are at the door.

9. It sounds in tune to me.

10. Sure, it sounds fine at the back of the hall.

11. I know your mic is on.

12. I checked it myself.

13. The roadie took care of it.

14. She'll be backstage after the show.

15. Yes, the spotlight was on you during your solo.

16. The stage mix sounds just like the program mix.

17. It's the hottest pickup I could get.

18. The club will provide the PA and lights.

19. I really love the band.

20. We'll have it ready by tonight.

21. We'll have lunch sometime.

22. If it breaks, we'll fix it for free.

23. We'll let you know.

24. I had nothing to do with your marriage breaking up. It was on the rocks long before I ever met you.

25. The place was packed.

26. We'll have you back next week.

27. Don't worry, you'll be the headliner.

28. It's on the truck.

29. My last band had a record deal, but we broke up before recording the album.

30. Someone will be there early to let you in.

31. I've only been playing for a year.

32. I've been playing for 20 years.

33. We'll have flyers printed tomorrow.

34. I'm with the band.

35. The band drinks free.

36. You'll get your cut tonight.

37. We'll supply someone for the door.

38. You'll have no problem fitting that bass cabinet in the trunk of your car.

39. There'll be lots of roadies when you get there.

40. It's totally compatible with your current program.

41. You'll have plenty of time for a soundcheck.

42. This is one of Jimi's old Strats.

43. We'll definitely come to the gig.

44. You can depend on me.

 

[Golem]

+1, x44.

Well, maybe only x43, cuz '32' is really just '31-B'. OTOH, if you combine '31' and '32', you should still have 44 lies, cuz you left out a biggie: "Of course I can read."

 

[Colin]

18. The club will provide the PA and lights.

And after you have driven 500 miles they inform you that you'll have to pay for microphone hire.

Colin

 

[sir funkytown]

assorted jokes you may not have heard

ok....
-how do you know you are being kissed by a french horn player?
she tries to stick her fist up your ass!(my favorite musician joke...ever!)
-why are breaks between sets usually 15 minutes?
so the drummer dosn't forget how to play
-whats the differance between a drummer and a drum machine?
you only have to punch the information into a drum machine once!
-whats the differance between a tenor sax and an uzi machine gun?
an uzi only repeats its self 100 times a minute
-how do you get a guitarist to turn his amp down?
give him a chart
-how do you get a double bass player to turn down?
write "arco" on his chart
-what do violinists use for contraception?
their personalities
-how many country and western bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1....5.....1.....5........
-two agents walk into a bar to see a band play...
"look at those guys"says one in disgust.
"I know....up there just stealing our 85%"
-differance between a dead rabbit in the middle of the road and a dead trombone player in the middle of the road?
the rabbit was more likely on his way to a gig
or
the skid marks before the rabbit
-what do you call a banjo player with a pager?
an optimist

 

[SteveB]

Sir Funkytown,

Haha! Some good ones in there that made me belly-laugh!

 

[Bill]

ok....
-how do you know you are being kissed by a french horn player?
she tries to stick her fist up your ass!(my favorite musician joke...ever!)

-how many country and western bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1....5.....1.....5........

Those are my 2 favorites!

What's the difference between an onion & an accordion?














Nobody cries when you chop up an accordion!

Yes, I play diatonic accordion, too.

 

[Bassfraggle]

Whilst we're on accordions...


What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?















You have to take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.


(Courtesy of Mrs Bassfraggle I must add!)

 

[sir funkytown]

Glad to be of assistance.

 

[niftydog]

Replace "accordion" with "banjo" at will, except for that last one:

If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story
building, which one lands first and which way up do they land?
Who cares?


What is the definition of a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.


What is a bassoon good for?
Kindling for an accordion fire.


What is the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.


What is the difference between an accordionist walking down the road
with his accordion, and a goldfish swimming down the gutter with a banjo
on his back?
The Goldfish has got a gig to go to.

 

[radiotrib]

A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there and found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections.

On the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, “What are those drums?” The guide turned to him and said, “Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop.”

The biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped!

The silence hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide, “The drums have stopped, what happens now?”

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and whimpered ...

“bass solo.”