OT: Advice needed

[Lazybite]

Ok... Im dealing with some band issues at the moment - and I gotta say I hate band politics, always have always will. Unfortunately being the bass player (read: the most logical and objective) I seem to be the one who has to bring the issues to the table.

So does anyone (and I know there is a few wise heads out there) have any advice on how to deal with topics such as:-

- band members who can't take criticism,
- divides in bands, ie form little groups within bands
- people lacking commitment (in various guises)
- Band issues in general

It's really stressing me out as this is the first band I have been in that has some level of potential and everyone brings something individually to the band that would be sorely missed if it wasn't there.

*Mods feel free to delete if you don't deem this appropriate for the forum*

 

[phatduckk]

man ive been thru that... kinda still go thru some of that with victim nation.

bring in a 12 pack to practice and start w/ "hey guys - ive got some questions"... questions are less threatening that statements. thats how ive breached stuff like this and its worked out ok.

good luck!!!

 

[oddjob]

man ive been thru that... kinda still go thru some of that with victim nation.

bring in a 12 pack to practice and start w/ "hey guys - ive got some questions"... questions are less threatening that statements. thats how ive breached stuff like this and its worked out ok.

good luck!!!

+1 on this... plus questions are ALWAYS good with beer!!! The trick comes to be what to do once you get your answers. Hopefully everything goes well and you hear what you want. The problem come when you don't (and I have been there quite a few times) esp, when the band has potential. But when all is said and done, it comes down to honesty.

Like Phatty said, bring the beer, bring questions (there REALLY is merit behind this) and bring a game plan... what are you willing to do? How much do you want this? How much are you willing to put up with in the quest for glory, fame and the the occasional smile from the opposite sex? You have to be willing to be honest with yourself and with your band on how this is effecting you. Don't lay blame out but be willing to say how issues are effecting you because life is way to short to be with a group that is going to cause you a headache.

Don't gang up on the offenders and don't allow others to do it. Keep to the issues. IF one guy is causeing all of this talk to them one on one after the issues have been broached but again don't corner them (that always leads to bad stuff).

This is obviously eating at you a bit since you are posting it here so think about it and act before it festers and leaves you with a bad taste. Again, be just be honest and upfront.

Good luck with it

 

[tkarter]

That is some good advice guys. Very well said.

tk

 

[nicolasd]

this will probably sound more cynical than pragmatic, but i say join another band or two.

why? because you'll be much more relaxed about it when you realize that you have more going on than this one band. your playing will improve by leaps and bounds and most importantly you begin to control your own fate as a musician and a bassist.

bands come and go, but you and your basses are lifelong partners.

 

[Psycho Ward]

I've solved many band issues with a simple condom and the lead singer's mic...




But on this one I agree with Phatty.

 

[Mobay45]

Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Our band has meetings from time to time. They are usually seperate from rehearsal time and without instruments. Everything is discussed and no one is allowed to take their criticism as if it were a personal attack. No one is safe though. You just have to all agree up front that you are all mature adults and the only way you can stay together and reach your musical goals (which are also set in a meeting) is if you are all in agreement.

It works in much the same way any relationship does.

 

[SteveB]

Mix positive comments with criticisms.. no matter how bad something is you can usually find some tiny positive aspect of it. It's easier to take criticism when it's mixed with praise. Don't just point out the bad things when criticizing, offer some suggestions that you think would improve the situation.

Band issues in general: just tell it like it is, don't hide what you feel, and don't cry if you don't always get your way. There's a lot of give & take in a band. Usually more give.

 

[strummer]

- band members who can't take criticism,

Tell'em if they learn to play properly you won't have to critisize them.
And call their wives/husbands and complain if they get sulky after being critizied.

- divides in bands, ie form little groups within bands

Tell each band member he/she'd be fired if it wasn't for you.

- people lacking commitment (in various guises)

Bring friends your band doesn't know to rehersals, and be there about an hour rehearsing songs you normally play with the band. When the band shows up, have your friends sneak away with comments like: "OK, you'll let me know then?"

- Band issues in general

Be a band nazi, every band needs one.

 

[Lazybite]

Cheers for all the advice. All very solid and a lot of option went through my head.

As of 8:40am AEST all band members are aware of the issues and are happy to engage in open conversation tonight instead of practice. I am taking the semi-diplomat/semi-ruthless business approach.

Now the issues is that i have done it once... it will always fall on me. I generally like to feign incompetence so no one ever asks me to do anything

 

[tkarter]

Okay now. Think about what is good about the band. If the issues are greater than the good there is no band.

tk

 

[RockinRayDuke]

If you're not happy with the band, leave it. Life is too short to put up with band BS.

But if you are willing to put up with it, the advice you've gotten so far is pretty good. To me, it all depends on how much crap you'll put up with compared to how much reward there is in being in this band.

 

[bovinehost]

I got no good advice. I mean, I remember being in bands a long time ago that had these types of issues, but I must be living in la-la land because cowpilot just sort of runs itself.

I mean, we suck and all, but damn, what a good time it is to play with these guys.

We finished up a gig the other night and Chris, our lead guitarist, says as we're loading up some gear, "I looked around up there and I realized how happy I am to be able to play with you guys."

There are things I would change if everyone's situation was ideal and all we had to do was be cowpilot, but hey, I like to think I'm just smart enough to know when I should be happy. (Any smarter and things get complicated.)

buena suerte!

Jack

 

[sir funkytown]

Relationships are what they are...never what you want them to be.

 

[RockinRayDuke]

Jack is wise.

My attitude with bands has changed quite a bit now that I don't do it for a living anymore.

Now I look at it as how much fun vs. how much money. I'll do a cheap gig if I know it'll be fun to play. But I'll go for the money most every time.

And if there's any drama, I walk away.

 

[PzoLover]

Lottsa good points so far;
something that came to my ears recently was about 'experience' not being so much what helps you deal with trouble when it comes your way,
but more about how to see trouble coming and getting the h3ll out of its' way.

 

[drgroovenstein]

Every band issue I have been involved in has been linked to the members having different expectations or visions of what it is we are doing.

If you all don't believe in the same thing, the same goals, etc, how can it work? You need to compromise. The best way to facilitate this is to ask the question. Have everyone in the band write down what your band's goal is for the next X amount of time. Why is it that you formed a band in the first place? Once you all agree on that, then you can think about how to acheive the goal.

No beer necessary

 

[SharonG]

Another thing to remember in any discussion or situation - no one is trying to make things bad for you intentionally- they are all acting out of what they need and want, completely from their point of view. If whatever it is is not working for you or the band as a whole, that needs to be brought out and discussed -usually once it's open, finding the solution is much easier.

I guess I count myself fortunate, too. Both bands I'm in regularly right now are pure joy- great musicians, great people, very understanding when life interferes with art.....

Good luck!!