PeteDuBaldo
Well-known member
Brown showed up at the store this morning, a bit unexpected. The driver got out of the truck, and started to unload a nice big box which I immediately recognize as having originated in SLO. I'm worrying "Great, is Jon sending me a box of packing peanuts as revenge for my last guitar packing job?"
As Roger (the driver) brings the box into the store, I suddenly realize that the box is much too big to be a guitar. I say to myself "Gee, I wonder if this is one of them fat string thingies I've heard about! I think they are called basses..." The somewhat better half of my brain smacks me and says "Of course those are fat string thingies, you dolt! Only them things is called mistakes, not basses."
So Roger leaves the big unsightly box in my hands, along with the invoice that Ed DuBaldo (my poppa) is gonna beat me senseless for once he sees, and I carry the box back into the storage room to unpack it. Unfortunately I can't find a blade or scissors with which to cut open the strapping tape, so I use a guitar pick (a small, triangular shaped piece of celluloid about 1" long that skinny string guys use on their 6 string mistakes) to break through the strapping tape. Disaster averted, the package is now open. Now on to removing the case from the box...
I sat and struggled with the box, turning it upside-down and spanking it to no avail. I grabbed it and shook, I begged, I pleaded - still, she's having none of it. I'm about to grab a ladder and try to drop the box off the top like UPS does with so many of my packages, when I get this great idea to lift the case out of the box. I decide this is my best bet, at least for the moment.
I do manage to work the case out of the box on my own. The only problem with this was that I was lifting it out of the box vertically, and it wasn't easy, it felt stuck. While holding the bottom corners of the box in place with my feet, I get the case partway out of the box, whereupon it gets stuck (inevitably). Naturally I gave the case a monster yank. Of course it flew upward and took out the overhead flourescent light fixture, which immediately crashed down on my head and knocked me out.
After I woke up, I tried to get up off the floor and I cut my fingers on the remnants of the broken light fixture. Fortunately I didn't get shocked, but here's why - when the light fixture broke and came crashing, the ballast somehow shorted out and blew the circuit breaker for the lighting, and then swung freely about. Now I'm stuck in the dark, with this freakishly large instrument case, bloody fingers, and the beginnings of a concussion.
I crawled into the office, where there is a window that lets light in. I find some kleenex and wipe the blood off my hands. My head is still pounding, so instead of tossing the kleenex in the trash, I stuff them in my pocket. I grabbed a flashlight and walked over to the breaker box. Unfortunately there were 17 accordions in the way. Yes, 17 frikkin accordions, with cases! After I climbed over the mountain of accordions I was able to successfully open the breaker box and flick the switch for the lighting. Of course it's still shorted out. I climb back down the mountain of accordions and head back to the ballast. After 2 minutes of standing there in the dark, my eyes adjust and I can see two of the wires on the ballast are still crossed. I yank the wire nuts off, spread the wires apart, re-nut them, and leave the ballast on the floor, in the pile of shattered plastic and blood.
Back I go to the breaker box and the mountain of accordions. This time I was able to get the switch for the lights to stay on, and the light shining out the doorway of the office is enough to illuminate the case sitting in the storage area, next to the broken fixture and what looks to be 4 pints of my blood.
I grab more kleenex and use it to grab the handle on the case so I can drag it into the office and open it up. Mistake. While backing into the office, I somehow trip over one of the legs on the rolling chair, and fall over backwards into the corner of the desk. It catches me right in the lower part of my spine, the part where sitting up or standing hurts. I yelll out in pain, and curse at both brown and the stupid oversized instrument case.
Hunched over halfway, with one hand on my back and the other still holding the kleenex, I say "what the frugal, I may as well open the stupid thing." I manage to unlatch the 3 clasps and try to open the case, but it won't open. Under closer inspection I see a 4th clasp, cleverly hidden right next to the handle. Somehow I am able to undo this last clasp, and open the case, whereupon when I looked inside I immediately wet myself. Let's just say that it's a good thing some of those kleenex were still in my pocket, otherwise there would have been glass, blood, and other on the floor! Pics of the contents of the case are here, here, and lastly here. I put the pics in short clicklink form so that way you would hopefully read my story and not just go right to the end. Anyways, that's pretty much why I think fat strings are evil, even though that one is surely beautiful. Thanks for reading along, I hope I never have occasion to write Chapter 2.
As Roger (the driver) brings the box into the store, I suddenly realize that the box is much too big to be a guitar. I say to myself "Gee, I wonder if this is one of them fat string thingies I've heard about! I think they are called basses..." The somewhat better half of my brain smacks me and says "Of course those are fat string thingies, you dolt! Only them things is called mistakes, not basses."
So Roger leaves the big unsightly box in my hands, along with the invoice that Ed DuBaldo (my poppa) is gonna beat me senseless for once he sees, and I carry the box back into the storage room to unpack it. Unfortunately I can't find a blade or scissors with which to cut open the strapping tape, so I use a guitar pick (a small, triangular shaped piece of celluloid about 1" long that skinny string guys use on their 6 string mistakes) to break through the strapping tape. Disaster averted, the package is now open. Now on to removing the case from the box...
I sat and struggled with the box, turning it upside-down and spanking it to no avail. I grabbed it and shook, I begged, I pleaded - still, she's having none of it. I'm about to grab a ladder and try to drop the box off the top like UPS does with so many of my packages, when I get this great idea to lift the case out of the box. I decide this is my best bet, at least for the moment.
I do manage to work the case out of the box on my own. The only problem with this was that I was lifting it out of the box vertically, and it wasn't easy, it felt stuck. While holding the bottom corners of the box in place with my feet, I get the case partway out of the box, whereupon it gets stuck (inevitably). Naturally I gave the case a monster yank. Of course it flew upward and took out the overhead flourescent light fixture, which immediately crashed down on my head and knocked me out.
After I woke up, I tried to get up off the floor and I cut my fingers on the remnants of the broken light fixture. Fortunately I didn't get shocked, but here's why - when the light fixture broke and came crashing, the ballast somehow shorted out and blew the circuit breaker for the lighting, and then swung freely about. Now I'm stuck in the dark, with this freakishly large instrument case, bloody fingers, and the beginnings of a concussion.
I crawled into the office, where there is a window that lets light in. I find some kleenex and wipe the blood off my hands. My head is still pounding, so instead of tossing the kleenex in the trash, I stuff them in my pocket. I grabbed a flashlight and walked over to the breaker box. Unfortunately there were 17 accordions in the way. Yes, 17 frikkin accordions, with cases! After I climbed over the mountain of accordions I was able to successfully open the breaker box and flick the switch for the lighting. Of course it's still shorted out. I climb back down the mountain of accordions and head back to the ballast. After 2 minutes of standing there in the dark, my eyes adjust and I can see two of the wires on the ballast are still crossed. I yank the wire nuts off, spread the wires apart, re-nut them, and leave the ballast on the floor, in the pile of shattered plastic and blood.
Back I go to the breaker box and the mountain of accordions. This time I was able to get the switch for the lights to stay on, and the light shining out the doorway of the office is enough to illuminate the case sitting in the storage area, next to the broken fixture and what looks to be 4 pints of my blood.
I grab more kleenex and use it to grab the handle on the case so I can drag it into the office and open it up. Mistake. While backing into the office, I somehow trip over one of the legs on the rolling chair, and fall over backwards into the corner of the desk. It catches me right in the lower part of my spine, the part where sitting up or standing hurts. I yelll out in pain, and curse at both brown and the stupid oversized instrument case.
Hunched over halfway, with one hand on my back and the other still holding the kleenex, I say "what the frugal, I may as well open the stupid thing." I manage to unlatch the 3 clasps and try to open the case, but it won't open. Under closer inspection I see a 4th clasp, cleverly hidden right next to the handle. Somehow I am able to undo this last clasp, and open the case, whereupon when I looked inside I immediately wet myself. Let's just say that it's a good thing some of those kleenex were still in my pocket, otherwise there would have been glass, blood, and other on the floor! Pics of the contents of the case are here, here, and lastly here. I put the pics in short clicklink form so that way you would hopefully read my story and not just go right to the end. Anyways, that's pretty much why I think fat strings are evil, even though that one is surely beautiful. Thanks for reading along, I hope I never have occasion to write Chapter 2.
