For those of us who have never been on a plane...

[Big Poppa]

Stanky bring a really big bag of various pungent foods....gyros, cury, reasy burger fries onion rings and make suere once you take off that you open the food and only eat half of it THe others really like smelly take out food on long trips

 

[adouglas]

As you get off the plane, say "Buh-bye. Bye, now! Bye. Bye! G'bye" continuously. Make sure the flight attendants can hear you. They love that.

 

[Ken Baker]

And if, after you've played out all this sage advice, a crew member asks if you'd like to go play outside, respectfully decline.

Ken...

 

[lumberjack]

Don't forget the aluminum foil covered cucumber that you will hide securely in your pants

 

[Dr Stankface]

So are tennis racquets considered a dangerous weapon? I'd like to shove mine in my luggage.

Granted there's a tennis court nearby.

 

[Freddels]

I don't think you're going to be playing much tennis this weekend.

 

[Adwex]

I've flown alot for work, here's what I learned.....

-If you don't need it on the plane, put it in your checked bag. It makes walking/hanging in the airport while you wait alot easier too if you're travelling light.

-Don't forget the rules, no liquids, or sharp objects, etc. They confiscated my little screwdriver that was in my brief case that I forgot about. I needed that darn thing. My lighter too. Don't bitch if they do, it's your own fault.

-When you start to descend from cruising altitude, (at least to me) it feels like your head is getting squeezed from the increasing pressure. Either chew gum, or hold your nose and blow to equalize.

-Don't rely on in-flight food. I like to bring a bagel, or sandwich, or something like that. They will provide a drink.

-For your first flight, you might want a window seat to see the scenery. Now I prefer an aisle seat....more comfortable, and easier to get up and go to the rest room.

-Don't say the word "BOMB", or anything like that EVEN AS A JOKE. You WILL be detained.

-Plan on getting there early, you never know.

Adam

 

[strummer]

Heh, some good advice here, and some seriously funny stuff (tnk's bp and others).

I sit aisle, because I can't really be seated for more than an hour at a time, and tanding for 10 minutes does wonders for me.
Buy water after you have cleared security, and pack all the toiletries in the checked luggage. In case you go all carry-on, buy the stuff at your destination, it saves you a lot of hassle.
Sit down to pee. It might not be your thing normally, but a sudden bump while you're at it makes your pants look... well..
If you are travelling with an instrument, insist on carrying it to the plane and send it down the luggage chute. That way, you might have a nice filight crew stowing it away inside the plane, and in any case you know the bass is on the right plane.

And contrary to what others might have said, air hostesses don't generlly have anything against small talk, as long as thy're not busy. Imho of course, and greatly depending on topic. Mile high, yeah right

 

[phatduckk]

also here's some random advice...

I get bored easy so my advice is geared towards travel not being annoying.

1) i hate checking in bags cuz you have to wait to get em when the flights over. personally i just shove crap in a backpack and call it a day.

2) if you can buy it for cheap, dont bring it. stuff like toothpaste etc... i just buy it in the airport or the hotel once i get there.

3) dont wear your huge belt buckle or any other bit metal stuff. they might make u throw it away or check it into your luggage (see #1 above).

4) getting off the plane is boring as hell. there's always people that take way too long to pick up a bag and walk down the aisle. i try n sit close to the exit and in the aisle seat and have my bag handy in order to get out of there asap.

5) if u can pass out on the plane great... or else. laptop + DVDs will safe you from twicthing out of boredom

6) wear a hat or something so they dont see your headphones during takeoff and landing. they make you turn iPods and stuff off for some BS reason. i just hide em and make sure they dont see the earbuds.

7) pack your carry on "well". make sure electonics can be removed from the bag super quick. same with your ziplock w/ contact solution or whatever you have to bring

8) if youre bringing a lighter toss it in a small pocket of your carryon along w/ a ton of change. this seems to make them not see the lighter when they xray your bag. LoL

9) when you get to the airport shove your ID and boarding pass in your back pocket and have it ready. you'll have to bust out both a few times. shove your wallet, belt, watch, keys, change etc in the pocket referenced in #8 above. This will make getting thru the security stuff way quicker

10) dont forget to grab all your stuff out of the xray machine.

11) turn your phone off while flying. saves batteries... its not like youre gonna call someone from up there.

12) when you land your phone's time might b wrong.most phones check the network time and correct themselves when you reboot em. if yours doesnt find the menu item to make it set the clock to network time.

and finally .... i'll call u when i land so we can meet up

 

[Aussie Mark]

Sit down to pee.

Given Stanky is a fan of Orlando Bloom, there's a good chance he already does.

 

[Sigmunds Couch]

Farther up in the thread. One of the most impressive uses of metaphor I've ever read on the internet.

Why..thank you..

 

[Frantic Slayer]

I didn't read all of the replies and some of these have probably already been said so here goes:

1. relax

2. bring something to do...it can get boring (ie. psp, ipods, dvd players, books, ect.)

3. bring gum or lifesavers in case your ears pop during take off and landing

4. airplane food sucks...bring your own snacks if u can

thats about it! have fun!

 

[Dr Stankface]

Since I hate shoes with a flying purple passion, are flip flops allowed to be worn on planes?

 

[adouglas]

Only if they've got Ohio Blue Tip kitchen matches sticking out of them, soles made of plastic explosive and straps made of det cord.

 

[phatduckk]

Since I hate shoes with a flying purple passion, are flip flops allowed to be worn on planes?

should be fine as long as your toenails arent green and cheesey

 

[mbgreene]

Since I hate shoes with a flying purple passion, are flip flops allowed to be worn on planes?

Flip flops work, that way, if you're bored you can always give yourself a quick pedicure.

The tray tables are a perfect height
So just throw your foot up and start clipping, filing, scrubbing buffing and polishing (and might I suggest Heinz green on the left foot and a switch to Dargie green on the right).

Try right after food service - your tray table will already be down and the sight of a well groomed foot and the smell of nail polish in a pressurized cabin environment may help with the other passenger's digestion.

And, when you land, you can compare toes with Tif.

 

[tiffles]

lol. crap that means i gotta paint mine now....

 

[Freddels]

Since I hate shoes with a flying purple passion, are flip flops allowed to be worn on planes?

Are you going to be wearing them with black socks?

 

[adouglas]

Prep for the trip by watching the movie "Airplane!" as many times as possible. Entertain your fellow passengers by re-enacting scenes from it.

 

[Freddels]

Don't wear any "art work" on your clothing if it involves wires, batteries, and a circuit board.