Here are some of my favorite quotes. All by Dave Barry.
“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells . . . to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.”
“I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.”
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
And one of my all time favorites
“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
